Everyday my company, Sexxi Showers, receives at least one email asking me, "What makes my golden shower products better than my competition's?
This week I set out to answer that question. The first thing I did was purchase one product from each of the top brands of urine replacement devices currently on the market. They included:
1. The Whizzinator Touch by Alternative Lifestyles. Price: $139.95
2. The Pissinator by Massive Dynamics. Price: $99.95
3. The Urinator by Innovative Research Technology, Inc. Price: $149.95
4. Screeny Weeny by CleanU Price: $168.68
5. Monkey Dong by Serious Monkey Biz Price: $89.99
6. HeWhizz by Sexxi Showers Price: $119.00
I then put each device through a series of tests, as described below. Each device receives a score of 1 (use at your own risk) to 5 (highly recommended)
Stealth:
If you were invited to a P-Party, could you wear the device under normal clothing without detection? Could you dance, walk, sit and do other normal activities while wearing the device? If you found the right partner and circumstances, could you perform your urine tasks naked without the device being noticed?
Body Temperature Urine:
When performing a golden shower, was the device capable of supplying a urine stream at/close to 98.5 degrees?
Realistic Look and Feel
When performing your golden shower, does it look realistic? Can your partner see the device during these up close and personal fetish games? Can you move about freely, without being encumbered by the device?
Realistic Looking Urine Stream
Does the device produce a realistic looking stream of urine? Strong stream? Steady stream?
Over-all Impression
Is the device likely to enhance or detract from your golden shower experience? How would you partner feel about using the device again? How would your partner feel about the use of the device during your wet sex play?
Now, let's begin...
The Original Whizzinator
This is the one that started it all. The grand-daddy of urine substitution. When Puck Industries first came out with this product, it was genius, pure and simple. Because of its innovative and "outside the box" design it became very popular, very quickly. Which led to a wave of copycats. As a matter of fact, every single urine replacement device on the market (except one) is designed on the same out of date Whizzinator platform. The base components have changed little since it was first released, external urine bag, fake penis, Velcro and elastic belt and unreliable heat packs.
SCORE
STEALTH: 3
Is the Whizzinator undetectable under clothing? Yes, depending on the clothing. Ability to wear this device while performing normal activities? Limited Could your partner see this device during an up close encounter? Definitely. How about while your naked? Absolutely.
BODY TEMPERATURE DELIVERY: 1
Device relies on heat packs to achieve and maintain body temperature. During testing I was unable to produce a sample at exact body temperature. Low range- 87, high range- 103 degrees.
REALISTIC LOOK AND FEEL: 1
This was the worst looking penis in this category. Too big and looks rubbery.
REALISTIC URINE STREAM: 3
Just like most of devices I tested, the stream relied on gravity when urinating. Which allows the beginning stream to look OK. But as the bag emptied and lost pressure, the stream turned into a dribble.
OVER-ALL IMPRESSION: 2
This device was innovative and pure genius, when it first hit the market. But as its popularity grew, it became increasingly difficult to wear one of these comical costumes during wet sex play without being noticed. In 2016, the Whizz's fake porno penis can be spotted a mile away. Today, like all of it's knock-offs, the Whizz should never be used when trying to give a realistic golden shower.
TOTAL SCORE: 10 POINTS
To shorten this blog and not waste a lot of time rehashing what has already been discussed, I am going to give you most of the devices final scores. Included with these scores, I will talk briefly about any innovations they have. I'm doing this to save time, but also because all, but one, of the rest of the devices are nothing but knock-offs of the Whizzinator.
Monkey Dong
This device is nothing more than the Whizzinator repackaged by Serious Monkey Biz. Nothing changed or innovative here. Just a way to capitalize on someone else's invention
TOTAL SCORE: MINUS 10 points REASON: Cheap knock-off
Pissinator
Innovation: A bite valve type urine actuator built into the fake penis. This is a good change from the Whizz's original hose clip, which made a "clicking" sound during use. The only problem is that after multiple use the valve tends to loosen up and begin to drip.
TOTAL SCORE: 7 POINTS REASON: Multiple use= pee pee pants
Urinator
Innovation: Built-in heating element. Combined with a 9 volt battery, this device will keep your partner bathed in a body temperature golden shower for 8 hours. Wonderful innovation! But it's drawback is that it only comes with a urine exit hose, no fake penis. Which makes this device only suitable for fantasy play when realism is not an issue.
TOTAL SCORE: (only device to recieve 2 scores) REALISTIC SHOWER: 3 POINTS REASON: No fake penis. UNREALISTIC: 12 POINTS REASON: Innovative heating element
Screeny Weeny
Innovation: Finally a realistic looking penis! This device has 18 different models to choose from. Including uncircumcised and multiple colors. Out of all of the WHIZZ's knock-offs, this one is the best of the bunch. Drawbacks: I purchased the uncircumcised model because it seemed to hide the exit hose really well. And it did. But as the urine bag began to empty, the urine stream lost its strength, the "foreskin" around the exit hose caught the urine and it ran back towards my hand! I had to lean forward and point the head directly at the toilet to avoid peeing on my shoes. This device also has a hard time achieving and maintaining body temperature. Only hitting temp range once out of 5 tries. CleanU should have spent less time on looks and more time on functionality.
TOTAL SCORE: 9 POINTS REASON: I pissed on my friggen shoes!
HeWhizz
Before I begin talking about this device, let me first state the obvious, as the inventor and manufacturer of this device, I am a little bias. But at the same time, everything I talk about in this blog is truthful and honest. When I developed HeWhizz, my goal was not to be just another Whizzinator knock-off. So I started with a clean slate and the desire to build the world's best urine substitution device. I believe I have succeeded. Take a look...
SCORE
STEALTH: 5
HeWhizz is the ONLY device here that is truly hidden during use. Is it undetectable when worn under your clothes? Yes. No matter what clothes you wear. Can you do your normal activities while wearing HeWhizz? Yes. Jump, run, sit, squat, heck, you could even do jumping jacks, if you wanted to! Can you wear HeWhizz while naked? Yes! Wait, I'm serious. You can wear HeWhizz while naked and during an intimate encounter with your partner and she will still think it is really you showering her with golden fun.
BODY TEMPERATURE DELIVERY: 5
HeWhizz was developed using his sister's patented CUPID (Clean Urine Personal Insert Device) design. Which uses the human body to achieve and maintain EXACT body temperature. No unreliable hand warmers. No time limit. Once you achieve body temperature, HeWhizz will maintain it indefinitely.
REALISTIC LOOK AND FEEL: 5
How could it look anymore like your real penis when you actually use your own penis during use?
REALISTIC URINE STREAM: 4
HeWhizz is the only device that does not rely upon gravity for it's urine stream. Instead, it utilizes a reinforced balloon as the urine reservoir. By doing so, the urine stream is under pressure from start to finish. I deducted 1 point due to the fact that it seems to have too much pressure at times.
OVER-ALL IMPRESSION: 4
HeWhizz was developed with the goal of providing the most realistic golden shower possible. But while achieving this goal, I overlooked one small thing...Homophobia. For some odd reason, men are squeamish about putting the urine reservoir in their rectum. Yet it is this very same innovation that makes HeWhizz the best golden shower device ever.
TOTAL SCORE: 23 POINTS REASON: Every drawback that has plagued the Whizzinator and it's many knock-offs, HeWhizz overcame by utilizing the "in the body" CUPID design. It remains completely hidden during use (even while completely naked!) and is the only device that can logically guarantee a golden shower at EXACT body temperature every time. None of our competitors come close to the level of realism HeWhizz can reach. HeWhizz and our line of female golden shower devices are changing the way synthetic urine is delivered during wet sex.
To end this blog, I challenge anyone, including the company's listed here, to prove that my products are not the best adult golden shower toys in the world. Bold statement? YES! Can I back it up? You bet. As a matter of fact, if anyone can prove that there is a better device out there, show me and I'll pay you $1000.
FYI: Before I published this blog, I sent a copy to each of the company's listed here. I asked for their comment as to the accuracy of this information I have provided. I have yet to recieve a reply...